From Part-time to Full-time

I do have some experience with vaping.  I picked up an electronic cigarette at a convenience store several years ago.  When I first tried it I was kind of amazed at the clouds of smoke it produced!  It looked like a cigarette and the end of it even glowed red when you took a puff. And yes, it was kind of like smoking only you had to draw pretty hard on the device to get any smoke.  Also it didn't really taste like smoking.  Not exactly anyway.  It had a bit of a sweetness to it.

Nonetheless I was intrigued.  I went home and googled e-cigs and settled on a brand called "Green Smoke"  (www.greensmoke.com)  At the time I think I paid about $100 for the start-up kit (they have since dropped in price significantly).  What you get in the kit is a few batteries, a charger, and a pack of something called "cartomizers".  The cartomizer looks like the filter on a cigarette and contains the nicotine juice and a heating element to vaporize the juice when you draw on the e-cig.  The cartomizers come in different flavors and strengths.  I ordered the highest level of nicotine in their Red Label tobacco flavor.

When I got the kit I charged up the batteries and gave it a go.  It was definitely better than the one I picked up at the convenience store!  It produced even more smoke and it tasted much better, still not quite a cigarette, but close enough to satisfy.  The higher level of nicotine definitely produced a more satisfying vaping experience.

I didn't really know whether or not it would entirely replace smoking for me but I liked the fact that I could smoke in the house.  I could smoke while watching a movie, working on my computer, reading a book, or fixing dinner.  I wouldn't have to brave the cold and the rain to get a nicotine fix.  And another plus -- no ashes and no butts to deal with.

So I entered the vaping world.  I have used my e-cigs intermittently ever since.  They have not completely replaced smoking for me.   In fact, sometimes I have left them untouched for months at a time.  Then I will remember them and order a few refill packs at about $16 each and start vaping again.

Since I work from home I mostly use them at my computer while I work.  I still smoke real cigarettes (or "analogs", as the vaping world calls them) and have sometimes wondered if by vaping while I'm working I'm actually increasing my nicotine addiction.  But I don't think so, I have actually cut back on the analogs.  Not consciously, just as a by-product of vaping and I don't seem to crave the real thing as frequently.  It seems many smokers use e-cigs this way- just as a convenience when they can't smoke.

But now I am ready to leave the analogs behind.  My decision was motivated by a friend who introduced me to her vaping friend, also known as the "Vaping Fairy".  My friend told me the Vaping Fairy had switched from analogs to e-cigs over a year ago and never looked back.  So I emailed her to ask some questions.

She was a wealth of knowledge and recommended that I switch to a different style of e-cig so I could try all of the different e-juice flavors.  I had only used the tobacco cartridges from Green Smoke and though I knew there was a wealth of e-juice flavors available, everything from Raspberry Cheesecake to Caramel Macchiato, they never really intrigued me.  She easily convinced me that there were other benefits of switching -- the battery would last longer and be more reliable (I had trouble with the reliability of the Green Smoke batteries) and the price would be significantly less.  So I decided if I wanted to switch from a part-time to a full-time vapor I should heed her advice and look into my options in e-cig models.

A Closet Vaper?

Here goes,  I have decided to quit smoking...again.   I have tried countless times through my 30+ years of smoking.   Some of my attempts have even been kind of successful.  I have quit cold turkey and remained smoke free for several years.  I have used the nicotine patches, gum, and lozenges with some success, perhaps quitting for a week or two.  But in the end I always go back to the cigarettes.  A weak moment, a stressful life situation, something always takes me back.  I think the truth is that I feel deprived without my smokies.

Why try again?  Well- the truth is, even though I love to smoke, I hate having to hide it.  And hide it I do.  Smoking has never been part of my "image".  I am into exercise.  Yes- it's true!  I love yoga, kettlebells, and Crossfit.  Hard to believe?  I suppose we all have aspects of our lives that are somewhat of a contradiction.

In my case it just happens to be blatantly contradictory.  I once ran a marathon and smoked a cigarette as soon as I could get back to my car (so no one would see me).  Oh and that was a great cigarette!  I actually used the thought of getting to smoke at the end to motivate me to keep going those last few miles. I have smoked in the car on the way to yoga classes or CrossFit classes - using gum and purell to do my best to get rid of the smoke smell.  And after the class I smoke in the car on my way back home!

That makes me a closet smoker.  Oh yes, my family and closest friends know my dirty secret.  But my acquaintances would likely be surprised if not shocked!  I lie to dentists and doctors - "No, I don't smoke.  I used to but I gave it up a few years ago.  I still use nicotine replacement therapy " (in case I have some test that reveals the nicotine in my system).   I deceive my landlords.  I hide my addiction from work colleagues... and the list goes on.

Why do I do it?  The answer is simple.  I love to smoke.  There is something wonderful about it.  It is relaxing and contemplative.  This quote by Ann Rand describes it perfectly:

“I like to think of fire held in a man's hand. Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips. I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette, thinking. I wonder what great things have come from such hours. When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind--and it is proper that he should have the burning point of a cigarette as his one expression.”

I think many smokers are probably like me.  They smoke in private.  Smoking has become such taboo.    We are banned from respectful society, forced out into the cold and rain, 25 feet from public buildings to enjoy our addiction.  In order to avoid judgement and criticism we become closet smokers, hiding our dirty little secret. Oh, we do smoke in public- just not when there are people we might know around! It's embarrassing to get caught.

Why do I want to quit?  I think it's tough to live the double life for one reason.  Also, I do understand the health risks and realize that I consciously allow myself to be in complete denial in order to continue smoking.  So here I go again... another attempt to rid myself of the monkey on my back.

This time I'm not going to follow any of the mainstream advice on how to quit.  No cold turkey (I have already read "How to Quit Smoking the Easy Way"), no nicorette patch, gum, or lozenge, no wellbutrin. I'm going to vape!  "Vaping" is the term used to describe smoking an electronic cigarette; since there's no smoke, only vapor, you're not smoking, you're vaping!

And yes, I will be a closet vaper.   How else will I explain my new habit to my non-smoking friends and collegues?